Do you ever get the itch to dig into the past? You know, start searching, googling, contemplating the evils you finally got the gumption to rid your life of? I hope I’m not alone in this. Every now and again (and thankfully, rarely) I feel the need to investigate where people are in this world that I no longer have any interest in speaking to again. My ex, my love’s ex, former friends, friends of friends…

Is it to compare tidbits of lives and determine myself the winner as someone who has become a well adjusted adult out of a chaotic life? Well, how well adjusted am I if I have the need to peek in on whatever google will give me of their current existence? Is it to rehash the incidents that forced them out of my life and contemplate how much I’ve grown? But why hang on to any of that past that was nothing but damaging?

It is a weird, nosy quirk that I can mainly keep at bay and when the time comes, the internet is my partner in crime. A quick search gives me geographical information, employment location and pictures ready to be scrutinized. Generally, a wave of satisfaction hits immediately after- the itch is scratched, the scab torn fresh then healed all at once, the memories of pain, growth and even happiness, and the ultimate pride that in my day to day, these human beings who sucked from me do not define me.

I guess that’s the thing with demon chasing- their’s no real way to catch them in a net, tie them down then toss them away to drown in their own misery. The only way to exterminate these demons is to leave them to their own mischief and naughty ways that have become the problems of someone else. Demons only stay still when I settle all that turmoil inside of me. They are only distant  until that itch gets too unbearable again.