Life is this crazy, mixed-up thing that gets all unpredictable right when you let yourself get comfortable. This is when I learn the most about myself and others, but it can really throw me for a loop. It get’s dirty and scrambled in all the areas you thought were sealed tight enough to hold on tightly.

The last few years for me have been filled with turmoil and self-understanding. And one is only possible with the other. Just when I thought life was good, I had to learn so much about some of the closest to me and rid myself of the trash. Right when I thought I Los Angeles was where’d I’d be in the next decade, jobs were lost and decisions were made to get us up to our new home in San Francisco. Just when I thought love- genuine, honest, healthy love was just a dream, I meet the man who makes me better than I thought I could be. And whenever I think that I’m done losing people at least for a while, I get the news that two of my grandfathers have cancer.

I know they have lived long, full lives and that they are old enough that just a couple of generations ago there is no way they would still be alive, but still. But still, it puts so much into perspective. I remember to hug my loved ones a little longer, go for that run, enjoy that yoga class, and love my beloved Allistair that much more. It makes life feel like it is slipping that much faster and that I need to get those classes done, and give more kisses and visit with kind family sooner.

Life is complicated, sticky, yucky, fast and precious. All of this is for me to remember and treasure. Allistair often makes me promise that I won’t let anything bad happen to me. I tell him, “I’ll do the best I can”.

And in the meantime, I hold close each meal we cook with each other; each secret we share in absolute confidence; each smile, hug and kiss meant to communicate our unconditional and fierce love all the while knowing that life is this crazy, mixed-up thing that gets all unpredictable right when you let yourself get comfortable.